The Key to Getting Your Baby to Sleep
The One Thing No One is Telling You About Sleep Training
New parents are often found wandering like zombies, pleading for coffee instead of brains, desperately searching for a solution to the seemingly endless sleep deprivation that comes with having a baby in the house.
Unfortunately, that desperation often leads them to quick-fix articles, often entitled ‘3 Days to Perfect Sleep’ or ‘Your Baby Can Sleep Through the Night with this Quick Trick!’, or something along those lines.
I know, I’ve been there. In the first few months of Poppy’s life, I would have done anything for just a few hours of constant sleep…
Unfortunately, that desperation often leads them to quick fix articles
A Little Backstory
When we bought Poppy home from the hospital, we thought we had it lucky.
She would sleep peacefully in her Moses basket for all her naps and pretty well in it at night too, usually only waking for feeds.
Until she was about two weeks old…
She outgrew her Moses basket (yes, she is that big!) and as a ‘temporary fix’ she slept in our bed until we were able to get a cot in our room.
Four months later, she was still co-sleeping in our bed.
By this point, I was losing my mind, hair and temper a lot more than I am proud of, thanks to a serious lack of sleep.
I basically turned into a troll. An ugly, balding one…
With my husband at work all day and lockdown in full force, I was left feeling like I had no escape from being a ‘Mummy mattress’ all day and night, for the rest of my life…
Okay, a little dramatic maybe…but, when you’re exhausted it’s easy to go a bit…crazy…
I knew something had to change and I knew that I didn’t want a ‘quick fix’ that would only help until the next stage or a major sleep regression kicked in.
I’m going to tell you how I went from full time ‘Mummy mattress’ to being the Queen of Nap Time and the Boss of Bed Time.
I found the key to good, healthy long term sleep, which I’m going to share with you now.
Disclaimer
I am not a sleep expert or doctor, nor am I trained in anything at all. All I have is a lot of experience as a full-time Mummy who was exhausted.
I am just Mum, sharing my trials and errors with you, in the hope of helping you achieve the same goal that I achieved using the techniques I’ll be sharing in this post.
Please consult an actual doctor or otherwise trained expert if you feel you have an actual issue with your child's sleep.
Oh, and this post may contain some affiliate links! Using them won’t cause any extra cost to you, but does help me keep the lights on! Thank you!
I found the key to good, healthy long term sleep, which I’m going to share with you now.
So, the first thing I want to tell you is that there is no quick-fix solution to your babies sleep.
I know, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but anyone promising that you can have your baby sleeping perfectly in a week is not focusing on the long term health benefits of teaching healthy sleep habits.
I’m not saying it’s not possible to improve your babies quality of sleep in a week or so, we saw improvements in Poppy's sleep within a reasonably short time, however, I feel that teaching your little one some healthy, long term sleep habits from an early stage is going to help you much more in the long run!
Sleeping is a Skill
Do you know how long it takes to learn a new skill?
It can take months…
Don’t be disheartened!
With the right steps, a little knowledge and some patience up your sleeve you can start to see improvements pretty quick.
even though we would all love to just be able to put the baby down and have a good nights sleep now, the long term health of the little ones (and you!) is what is really important here.
We managed to move Poppy from sleeping in our bed and arms for 100% of her sleep time to sleeping in her cot 100% of the time in around 3 months.
Now, I’m not saying this is perfect sleep, and we do still have a few nights where she wakes a lot and no one gets any sleep (classic sleep regression issues!), but after weeks and weeks of calm, confident consistency, we have taught her to sleep (almost) on her own.
So, with that in mind, let us begin learning the steps to teaching healthy, long term sleep habits.
The Steps -
1. Create a Plan of Action
Having a clear idea of what you want to achieve and how long you realistically think it will take to achieve it will be a huge help to keep you on track and have a clear head when things get a bit tough.
A bedtime routine can become a good sleep signal for little ones if used consistently.
I created a sheet that could be printed and hung on the bedroom door, so we could see it and have a better idea of what needed doing and remembering to achieve our overall goal.
You can print yours here, it comes in blue or pink, just for fun!
Some steps to consider could be:
- Work on Self Soothing (very important for progress!)
- Introduce Bedtime Routine
- Phase-out Pick Ups after Going Down in Cot
Once you have your goals and the steps you want to make clear in your head, you can start thinking about a daily schedule.
It’s worth looking into nap routines and planning out reasonable timings for your little one to sleep, so you can keep a good routine.
It’s also a good idea to track your little one's sleep and wake times, so you have a good idea of how much sleep they are actually getting, compared to how much they actually need in a 24 hour period.
2. Change One Thing
We’ve all heard this advice, though usually about our diet and lifestyle choices rather than our children's sleep routine.
Now you have figured out what your goals are and the steps you’ll be taking, it’s time to make some changes and get the ball rolling, a little at a time…
For example, my priority with Poppy was to get her sleeping in her cot at night, rather than on me, so I decided to focus on her bedtime routine.
My aim here was to create an environment at bedtime that helped Poppy relax and feel safe, as well as help her understand that it’s time to go to sleep for the night.
A bedtime routine can become a good sleep signal for little ones, when used consistently.
It took a couple of weeks for Poppy to settle into the new routine. She seemed to enjoy having her massage, milk and a cuddle before being put down in her cot, but she wasn’t keen on staying in her cot.
The more tired she was, the more frustrated she was that she wasn’t being cuddled to sleep…
I knew I would have to phase out the snuggles to sleep slowly, and I started by putting her down in her cot almost the moment she closed her eyes (sleepy but awake just wasn’t working for us at the time!) and then soothing her in her cot, continuing to pick her up when she got fussy, putting her down again when she settled…and so on.
3. Phase it Out
The ‘Phasing Out’ technique is a much slower way of teaching your little one to soothe than techniques like ‘cry it out’ but, the way I see it, you can only learn to soothe by being soothed.
I’m not saying ‘cry it out’ or other techniques like it don’t work, or are harmful in any way, as I wouldn’t know (not trained, remember!) but I knew it wouldn’t work for us.
I wanted to teach Poppy that she is safe, supported and Mummy is always there when needed…
…While also teaching her to try it alone before asking Mummy for help, by phasing out my presence slowly as her confidence grew.
you can only learn to sooth by being soothed
We gave each phase a 3 week window.
The first week of each phase we made sure that Poppy was happy and comfortable with the changes we made, and if she had settled into them by the second week we continued as planned.
Phasing out may sound like it will take forever but, for us, it seemed that each phase seemed to have an expediential effect on the next one.
As Poppy grew in confidence she seemed happier to accept the next step as we moved forward.
For example:
When we began phasing out night time cuddles, which wasn’t easy for any of us, least of all Poppy, we followed this plan —
- Putting her down the moment she closed her eyes
- Letting her fuss for a minute or two, holding her hand or stroking her hair to calm her, before picking her up if she didn’t settle.
- Repeating as needed until she fell asleep.
- This was repeated through the night, as needed.
she took almost the whole three weeks before starting to stay asleep in her cot.
However, by the time we were thinking of moving onto the next stage — no pickups at all — she was actually asking to go in her cot and falling asleep there!
We hadn’t been expecting that, but it was a great improvement!
4. Nail Nap Time
If you really want your little one to sleep well through the night, you need to make sure that nap time is on point as well!
How long, and how well, your baby sleeps during the day will affect their quality of sleep at night.
Making sure your baby is getting the right amount of sleep for their age is vital.
The amount of time your little one needs to sleep in a 24 hour period will depend on their age, usually changing every few months or so.
I used this book to help me work out how much and how often Poppy needed to sleep before I started up her new routines, as well as doing a lot of online research.
For a while, it may feel like you’re playing catch up, as babies change constantly!
However, once you find their rhythm and learn their cues, you’ll be keeping up with them and their changing sleep needs like a pro!
The Key to Your Baby’s Sleep
The key to your baby learning to sleep well is, You.
I know, it’s a bit cliché and sounds far too simple, but it’s true!
The issues that us new, and first-time parents, tend to have with our babies sleep often stem from habits that we have formed to survive the first few months of newborn life.
It’s worth remembering that it isn’t just your little ones that need to break some bad habits, it’s you too.
No judgement here! We’ve all been there…
Honestly, in those first few months, I would have done anything.
If someone had told me that Poppy would sleep better if I stood on my head and recited the alphabet backwards, I would have definitely had a go!
The struggle is real, but now its time for a change.
The Three C’s
The three c’s will help you get through some of the tougher times that come with teaching and learning something new.
It may also take some deep breathing and a few early morning coffees, but as long as you can remain Calm, Confident and Consistent, you and your baby will achieve those sleep time goals.
Things to Remember
- There is no quick fix!
- With consistency and patience, you can see improvements in your little one’s sleep quite quickly, but please do not expect overnight miracles! - Go Easy
- Both you and your baby are breaking old habits and learning new skills. Go easy on yourself and celebrate the small wins!
(Slept in cot five minutes more than usual? WIN!) - One Night Won’t Undo it All!
You’ve worked at it for weeks, Baby is doing great and you’re seeing improvements! But then something throws the routine out the window. Bad traffic making bedtime late, teething, sleep regressions…Whatever it is, you can get through it. Do what you need to get through the night and get back on track tomorrow. - Be Adaptable
If you feel your baby is consistently fighting you on a nap time or part of the routine, don’t be afraid to change it. Your routine should work for both of you! Research sleep routines for little ones around your baby's age and see if there is anything that might be good for your little one to have in their routine. - Remember the Three C’s
Calm, Confident Consistency. - You Are The Key to Your Babies Sleep!
Be positive, stay strong and look after yourself as well. A stressed out Mummy at nap time isn’t going to get the best response from Baby! - All Babies are Different!
Each baby develops at their own rate and in their own way.
Your friends baby may be sleeping through the night like a little angel, but hasn’t learned to sit alone yet. You’re little one may be learning something big, like sitting, standing or rolling. This can affect sleep as they are excited and want to practice!
What worked for us may not work for others, so it’s always worth listening to your instincts and the needs of your little one!
From one Mummy to another — You are doing great, it will get better, keep going!
— Lizzy ❤️ x
